500 Words to a Conclusion

The other day I googled “cuffed pants.”  I wanted to know how to do it right.  Within a couple hours I watched Walter Mitty scale the frozen Himalayas from inside a movie theatre.  “I was born for this,” I whispered under my breath as he skateboarded down a winding highway to the base of a volcano in Iceland.  Born for what?  For something else.  For something more.

Marriage, kids, a home in the burbs, a paycheck, cuffed pants…it all seems pointless sometimes, and I sometimes feel a burn just behind my ribs, a desire to live more dangerously, with more spontaneity, more travel (without reservations in a nice hotel), more cold air on my face and less sitting on the sofa watching The Incredible Dr. Pol shove a prolapsed rectum back inside a cow.  I want to plow a field.  And I want eggs and bacon for breakfast before I do it.

I have gift cards and dinner dates, a Keurig Coffee Maker and all the K-cups I could ever want.  I have my entire year of vacation time already mapped out.  And all this pursuit of relaxation, comfort and convenience has left me feeling bored.  But…

…the show must go on, mustn’t it?

Walter Mitty was so inspiring.  So inspiring, in fact, that it left me feeling like I needed to buy airline tickets to Greenland and charter an old fishing boat for a day or two when I got there in order to add enough adventure to my life to make it seem meaningful.


There is a basket of laundry sitting on the floor in front of me and my daughters are in the next room arguing over jewelry.  My life is full.  I can die now.

Isn’t this exactly how we feel sometimes?  And then we ignore the feeling, spend our gift cards, watch an episode of Criminal Minds, update our status on Facebook and go to the kitchen for a snack.  Eating, watching, spending and updating should do the trick, right?  It has before.


At the end of this sentence I will only have 140 words left to find a conclusion to this predicament.  I must find the meaning of life.  Pshaw.  No biggie.

Conclusion: I loved that dang movie.  Loved it.  It made me want to accomplish things, to do great things, to live a full life.  Although the world’s idea of a full life just may be to buy tickets to Greenland, to climb the Himalayas, to escape the wrath of an erupting volcano.  Mine isn’t.  It can’t be.  I don’t live near a volcano.  And I have no relatives to visit in Greenland.  Crap, 54 words left.  Pressure’s on.  Find a solution!!!

The truth is, (at least for me) I am never able to solve an internal problem with an external solution.  Greenland simply won’t do, cuz it’s not inside me.  So there.

OMG, I did it.  Run it through a word count, I dare ya.  Yo Adrian, I did it!

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